I had a very bold self realization today and I am very happy with that. I realized that if you are honest with yourself than nobody in the world can mess up with you. It’s not like that I am dishonest, its about being honest with self. I don’t tell lie and I don’t give false hope to other people or I don’t cheat people. In that term I am very much honest. But the truth is, I was dishonest with myself. I gave myself false hopes. Whenever I was no way nearer to perfection, I assured myself I will be. But that was lie, I gave myself false hope even I can do that, but I never tried doing that. And I was always in false notion that I could also that. In my school lives I thought I can ran fast, really fast and out beat anyone, but I never ran in a competition and I was a chubby kid. So, I was always in a false notion that I could outrun anyone but when I started to run I found out actually where I was.
We all have our limitations,in some sectors we are better than others, in some skills we could be best than anyone we have seen in the known world or in some arenas we think that we can out do anyone but unfortunately we never tried that. And before trying that kind of things we shouldn’t think ourselves in of any stand in those fields.
Secondly, sometimes we give ourselves false hopes like I could do that, or Oh, someone did that, I could have been done that If I was in his stand. But the truth is even we were in that persons condition we couldn’t do that. This is just a false notion of ourselves.
Lately, I started to live a life where I admit everything to myself. I am fat, lazy, I admit that. I fail to implement my plans for myself again and again, I also admit that. I admit that I have problems to be regular with something. I lose focus ,while being focused on something my interest changes,it changes by being focused to something else. I forget things, even most important ones and sometimes this causes lots of problems for myself. But admitting all this faults, misdoings I try to overcome this, try to be a better person and fixing one by one my faults, wrong habits. Its not true that I am always successful, sometimes I am full of failure but that helps me to rejuvenate, to be fierce to erase all my misdeeds and anomalies. And In the end of the day I remain as the same hopeful person rather being frustrated with every wrong doings. I fell sober everyday with every thing I do. Besides it feels great. If anyone reading this, you should also try this, let me know what was your outcome.
It’s near 2 o’clock here in Dhaka. I am sitting on my desk with a back pain and thinking about should i finish my pending tasks or sleep and work in the morning. I just cooked vegetable and rice for me and ate lusciously. Couple of days ago I promised myself to be regular in thing i love to make myself happy. But unfortunately i couldn’t keep them. The biggest of them was writing in my blog.I couldn’t write regularly in my blog, due to lack of making scope for it. I made a synthesis of what just happened wrong with me or happens wrong with me that’s why i can’t keep promises with myself.
Collected from Internet ©
The biggest wrong thing that happens to me, i carry a baggage i.e. headache of works in my head always, like i need to do this or that or that one too. But in the meantime i may be doing some other works and which is also a priority but in the end i mess up. And i find myself at day end doing nothing with full of headache for next day along with previous days baggage.
Besides that i tend to overdo with some works. Like for a particular if that’s okay to be done for some point, i keep doing more of it and as a result loose time for doing other works.
Well there was flaw in my time management and its there now. I am trying to be better at managing time day and day. Trying to complete all my list of works daily. No baggage of extra works, no baggage of extra load. This coming week is a great challenge for me to complete. Pray for me so that, i can come out successfully.
I was very much heartbroken last few days. All bad feelings of mine came together to make myself in the same negative attitude again which i have been trying to get over again and again , adopted new and newer method to get rid of this. I was thinking over again and again what’s been so negative in my lifetime and what’s been so positive.
I have some positive things in my life along with some negative one’s too, everyone does. I am healthy and i don’t have any disabilities, i am fully functional which is a big positive point for me. I can work, think, write without any hassle. Apart from that I have a job, with that i can pay my bills,support my family. I have friends to hang out. I am also a bit popular in my surrounding i.e. where i belong. That’s actually may be i am easy to talk or may be i am fat, easy to recognize. I have my family to take care. I have an Engineering Degree in Computer Science and Engineering from an Engineering University.I have been active in technical and social communities and took responsibility as a leader also.
Besides that i have some negative points too. I have been fat throughout my lifetime and its been so negative thing for me.All my endeavors to make myself thinner failed again and again. But then again i got started with some new scheme to make myself thinner.I have not lost hope yet.I am turning 26 later this year, i was never been in love or in any proper relationship with anyone, that’s one too.
I am not very much successful in my profession,i want to be more successful, i want to earn more.That actually doesn’t mean i am not successful at all. I am better from average ones but lesser than the extraordinary one’s.
I want to be thinner, i want to met someone. Except that i have lost my loving father all on a sudden, i have my sick mother and brother to take care off. I have to take care of my family assets, everything. I have been trying best to make everything right in this arena for last 3 years but i think this is not the best that could be done.I should do something more.
I am sometime lazy and sometimes i don’t do anything after getting hurt broken or pissed of at anyone. Sometimes i make excuse to myself for not doing something that needs to be done. I guess this things are very common at normal peoples life. And i am just normal. I have a normal life.
I get cheated by close people or unknown people very often, that’s one negative point too. That’s because may be i trust people very much, after very minimal interactions. To stop getting cheated i need to stop trusting people, which i can not do eventually. So, i will keep continue to get cheated very often. I have done settlement with this occurrences now.
And the most important thing that i realized lately, to make myself functional,more successful and focused to my goals,never and ever get hurt by anyone’s comment and hamper my tasks by getting pissed of on anyone else. I may get pissed of sometimes and sometimes its really necessary to show anger but all i need to do is keeping it away from my work schedule. So, all that was part of my simple thinking process. This actually made me happy and get rid of all frustration, helped me to change as a person full of hope rather being a person full of frustrating thoughts.
I had a full messy day today. It actually started to be messy from yesterday evening. All on a sudden i heard my younger who was getting better from schizophrenia suddenly got bitter, I was very much disturbed hearing the news first,I had several meltdowns after that. I shouted on my uncle who was taking care of him. I had questions on my mind, he seemed completely okay just a few days ago when i went to home. I took him to my journey to village. We walked and talked, passed lovely time. He chatted with me with his several things. But why his condition is again bad now. I was looking for a reason badly.
I called my uncles, brother-in-law, sister, cousin’s several times during night till night 1 A.M and i was very much tensed throughout the whole night. I have seen bad dreams too :(. And in morning i woke up late, i missed my exercise, breakfast, writing, everything too. I woke up with a phone a call from a colleague who asked me to wait for him for office car for few minutes, but soon he realized that i didn’t weak up till and it was no benefit of him calling me. And i hurried to get ready for office then.
I started for office very fast but i missed office car by few minutes. It was a cloudy day in Dhaka and rain was going to come but it didn’t came at last. I went by leguna( a small vehicle for transportation used in Dhaka) to Farmgate(a place near to my office) to reach office faster and stay safe from rain. I had watch in my bag but i couldn’t find it and check time. I decided to have breakfast than. I had the fastest breakfast of my life in 5 minutes i guess, than when i went to pay bill, i couldn’t find money in my bag.I had money in my bag i was sure, but couldn’t find it then.
I searched for few minutes than i took the small bills of 2 BDT left in the bag, there were lots of them in numbers but as i was late i gave the waiter as many of them i could find. I didn’t count and i am sure definitely there were 4 or 5 was more of them. The waiter may be was having a lucky day today.
Then i hurried and took rickshaw for office.I knew i had no small bills except one thousand BDT big bill. Reached office nearly by 40-45 minutes late, i had half of the fare for the rickshaw puller, i was waiting there to meet someone familiar to borrow half of the fare. Than in the end i met Ganu pagla( a junior from my university) and he helped.
I reached office 50 minutes late and mailed authority to notify. Than i calmed down for the whole day and tried to keep myself cool. I didn’t have any more occurrence in office. Although i had to treat my office car people while coming back from office as they demanded for no reason :(.
Than in evening i was cool and i organized everything i could and i was very much hopeful to avoid this kind of incidents in future. Please pray for my brother so that he would get better soon.
That was my story of whole messy day. Share yours if you would like to.
What’s a happy life ? My definition of happy life is like that you have a lovely wife, caring for you and with whom you can share your every bits. You have a tight regular routine like woke up at 5 A.M and exercise till 6.30 than studies and morning family time. Than after a lovely family time you start for office.
You pass a whole busy day in office, finish all your tasks in due time,stay in a gentleman attitude, you don’t get pissed off on anyone and keep a cool attitude. While you leave office at the end of the day you never bring your office tasks in home with you to take portions of your personal life.
Besides after office you come to home and sometimes you take rest for half an hour and may have an evening walk, sometimes when you are in party mood you can go in any parties or if you are in movie mood you can watch movies or simply you can have friendly conversations with friends.
Besides you would be taking information’s about your family during your day time or night time and also you will be praying to your Creator five times daily to get closer to him.
And in the late night, if you happen to on to something like in the way to know something new or looking for new degrees you may study some time to take you one step ahead.
The most important thing will be you will not bring overhead of one place to another, like bring family chaos or tensions in office and in that hamper your office performance and also don’t bring your office works to home and make chaos in your family life.
Sometimes you may take 1-2 days off and go outside for an escape from this routine and do crazy things, this break can happen after every 1-2 months and you can also take long breaks like one week after every 5-6 months to have some adventure while brining some fuel to your regular life also.
Except all these you can also be involved in some volunteer and charitable activities to help you grow as a person and bring out your enlighten sides. This will also help you to develop your people skills too. In that way you may lead a perfect, never monotonous, tension free happy life :).
This was my version of a happy life. Although i have not achieved it yet and on the way to and hopeful soon i will be. Please pray for me so that i can do this. And share your happy life with me if anyone out there reading this.
I am a very open minded guy and i used to share everything of myself with everyone, i mean mostly the people i was familiar with. I used to express every bits of myself to everyone i know close to me or familiar with me. But the thing is that which was very wrong and very much wrong.
People started to backbite me with my own words after that, make mockery of my very own sacred feelings. I felt bad and i was really pissed off. At first i was very much pissed off on those people. But on second thought i sat down for a while and had a deep thought with myself alone. I realized when i be with these people, they are there only for fun and to pass some nice time. May be they are depressed in their daily life or may be not but they don’t share anything in those meetings about themselves but unfortunately i did. I thought their shoulders as my shoulders to cry on. I laid myself wide open, which was a very big mistake.
But at the end i did find a solution of this problem,leave what happened as it is till now as it has been done and keep myself shut down for future. And behave normal just like nothing happened. Cause I can’t be enemies with the whole world. So, all i need to do is to adjust with the world as it is.
In that way, i have realized a big secret of life is to never share your secrets with others unless you have someone very own of yourself like love :).
I was very close to my perfect morning today but unfortunately missed it due to 1.5 hours extra sleep, first woke up at 4.45, than again slept for another 1.5 hours and in that way missed my perfect morning. But i am on the way to achieve it sooner. And i am very happy today as its weekend and nobody to give me orders rather i can have a full day of own.
Prioritizing works is definitely a very important thing on our day to day lives. Prioritizing means what to do after what. I everyday think of i will do this and that today and at the end of the day find myself doing something else. And the second day i have again the same old list of tasks. This is really disgusting. Sometimes we need to cross our limits to finish our tasks like working over night or going crazy over a task as if i don’t finish this i will not do anything else, things like that. This are the tasks with highest priority.
Again there are tasks that needs to be done and if you do this now, you go one step ahead from others, but due to your regular workload you can not do this now, you need to cross your limits to make this done now. Cause there will be no scope in your regular life to do those works.
If i highlight on my regular life, for my health i need to exercise, cycling, walking everyday, again i have more than 10-10.5 hours in office everyday and journey to office and journey back to home, i have to take care of my family i.e. call to know what’s going on, i have to contact with the volunteers team i am running to know their updates, specially IEEE EdsocSAC, I have to do my own studies to upgrade my skills, i have to practice some time coding too, moreover while i am home i do cooking, cleaning by myself which is a task too. So, besides that i need to attend social events sometime or meet friends, talk with them,attend eating out events, pass some leisure time or go outside for movies or simply sleep :) , these are the things that i have to do everyday. But the thing is that, i don’t have time to do all these things everyday. I have to prioritize my works, which is required daily and which is not and which is urgent and which is not. I am trying to figure out the best way to accomplish the best out of me and also trying to identify best way to live healthy tension free life too. Like often, i only go to office and sleep while i home and do nothing, this happens sometimes, when i have worked very hard for 2-3 days and i need a rest day to make my body active again. And also sometimes happen when i feel sick or damn lazy.
So, I am still haunting the best way to prioritize my Todo’s and but i am definitely hopeful soon i will find the best way which will be replaced by a best way discovered later. Its like an life long race of finding the best way. Happy Friday everyone and i am very happy as i don’t need to give 10-10.5 hours for office after today for 2 days i.e. I am on the eve of weekend.